How to Deal

Philippians 4:1-9New International Version (NIV)

Closing Appeal for Steadfastness and Unity

4 Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends!

2 I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. 3 Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life.

Final Exhortations

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

A common phrase among young people today is “I can’t even.”  This is short for “I can’t even deal with this right now.”  It’s another way to say that they don’t want to take on the process of tackling whatever issue is in front of them.  Seems lazy, doesn’t it?  Through the course of the sermon this morning, I hope to show that this may be more full of wisdom than you think.  Our scripture for this morning is a short, well-written instruction manual on how to deal with situations where disagreement is taking place.  There can be disagreements in all facets of our lives: coworkers, spouses, children, parishioners, churches, denominations, etc.  At times, we can feel like everything around us is in disagreement and here we are, stuck in the middle.  Some aspects of Christianity maintain that pacifism is the way to go, while others maintain that we must stand our ground.  Some look at pacifism as weakness while others see the act of standing your ground as stubborn and ignorant.  It sometimes feels like an eternal game of tug-of-war with no winner.  This constant pulling causes frustration and nothing is accomplished.  Paul addresses this as two leaders of the Philippian community, Euodia and Syntyche are not seeing eye to eye.  

Paul doesn’t encourage these two women to get along by coming to a complete agreeance.  Rather, he encourages them “to be of the same mind in the Lord.”  So what does this mean?  Instead of asking them to agree, Paul suggests that they should have the mind of Christ.  Paul outlines a short, four-step process to what this means.  First, “Let your gentleness be evident to all.”  Even in the midst of conflict, it is your gentleness that ought to be evident, not your frustration.  Practicing gentleness leads us to a word that is not as common in today’s culture: forbearance.  Forbearance is a patient self-control, that practices restraint and tolerance.  In other words, do not fall into anger, vengeance, quarreling, hatred and bitterness, and instead, be bold in forbearance.  Instead of being certain and self-righteous, practice tolerance.  I will touch on this again in a little bit.  Second, Paul says, “Do not be anxious about anything...”  Um, that is way easier said than done.  We are all anxious about something... It can be work, our bills, an unexpected breakdown of our vehicle or in our home, our children, our sin, our future... There is a lot of things out there that can understandably make us anxious.  One thing that can help us in dealing with these anxieties is remembering and believing that God is near.  Through the Holy Spirit and God’s omnipresence, we have the ability to be constantly reminded of God’s closeness to us if we take the opportunities to see it.  Paul says that we can combat our anxieties through step number three: “...in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  Paul’s advice on how to deal with these anxieties is like the Christian way of counting backwards from 10 in a tense situation.  With thanksgiving at the forefront, pray and petition God by telling Him what it is that’s stressing you out.  It may be difficult to do this with a thankful heart but that part of Paul’s instruction is as important as voicing your anxieties to God.  The fourth and final step is the result of following the previous three: “...the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Paul reminds us that it is the peace of God that will guard us.  Our certitude in being correct is not what guards and protects us... it is only God’s peace.  

At this time, I want to go into more detail about practicing gentleness for the simple reason that tolerance is often equated to weakness and my reasoning hopes to show the opposite.  In prepping for today’s sermon, I stumbled across some studies on the backfire effect which states that “when your deepest convictions are challenged by contradictory evidence, your beliefs get stronger.”   I want to point to the mind of a toddler in helping me make my point on this... Guthrie doesn’t want to use the big boy potty.  He wants to be just like his bubba and his sissy by going to school so we thought we could use this as ammo to go to the potty.  He refuses to even sit on the potty or go potty in anything we have tried despite his wanting to go to school.  In fact, he cries and seems terrified when we try to sit him on the potty.  A couple weeks ago, he finally said that he was scared.  We have poked and prodded to try to figure out what it is that scares him but have come up empty.  His belief is that something about the potty is scary and whenever we try to counteract those claims, he only further believes in his conviction.  Remember the definition of the backfire effect: “When your deepest convictions are challenged by contradictory evidence, your beliefs get stronger.”  It seems logical to think that the opposite should be true and when your beliefs are challenged with facts.  It seems that you should alter your opinions and incorporate the new information into your thinking.  The backfire effect is only exponentially compounded by social media and the anonymity of the internet.  Online disagreements never have a winner because no amount of facts will deter someone on the other side of the argument.  In actuality, you are only strengthening their convictions.  It seems so counter-intuitive but it’s true.  Jonas Kaplan and Sarah Gimbel have placed research subjects in an MRI machine and asked them to consider counterarguments to their strongly held political beliefs.  When the subjects were presented with information that their beliefs were possibly incorrect, the MRI showed the region of the brain that controls our fight or flight response to a physical threat fired up.  In other words, David McRaney says, “...the brain treats a threat to those ideas as if they were a threat to your very existence.”  Guthrie reacts the same way to me telling him that the potty isn’t scary as he would if his physical well-being was actually in danger.  

That is the exact reason that practicing gentleness and forbearance is so vital.  It is not a weakness.  I think I have figured out why preaching can be so difficult... I can stand up here on Sunday and for the most part you may agree with what I am saying but when I say something that you may not agree with, your body and mind react as if I am threatening your physical safety, as if I am threatening your very existence..  No matter the belief, we are threatened when someone challenges it.  This is why Paul’s advice is so full of wisdom.  The way to get someone to alter their beliefs is not by throwing facts and sources at them because this only strengthens their belief.  Put this into the perspective of someone who believes God does not exist or believes that a relationship with God is only a waste of time.  Jesus didn’t stand in front of a group of people blasting them with facts.  He practiced gentleness and forbearance.  For the most part, he was not anxious.  But when he was, he prayed and petitioned God about his anxieties with a mind and heart full of thankfulness.  He was guarded by God’s peace.  Jesus invested in the lives he was changing.  He lived and even died for them.  Our inability to get people to see the world from a different perspective is as much our duty as it is theirs.  If we fail, it is more due to our approach than it was their inability to stray from their personal convictions.  And research helps prove that point.  I mentioned the phrase “I can’t even” earlier to point out someone’s unwillingness to take on the challenge in front of them.  Initially, it sounded lazy and lethargic but I am curious to see if this sermon has maybe changed your mind... but probably not... why? “Cuz the backfire effect.  Knowing what you know now, are you willing to change your approach to help grow the kingdom of God?  Knowing what you know now, are you willing to personally challenge some of your deepest and longest held convictions?  Or at the very least, are you now willing to understand where someone may be coming from that you do not agree with?        Amen.